Hey!

I hope you’re doing well right now. I really do. I was reminded of you today, but it’s not the first time. It was a beautiful day, which made me feel like winter is almost over. Not to sound apologetic, but I’m sorry for not writing sooner. Truly. Somehow, it took me so long to think of what to say. I’ve tried writing to you on three separate occasions, but I scrapped those ones before they could find their way to you. 

I guess there are just so many things I could start with. Or maybe there’s too much that I’ve missed. If I’m being honest—and I hope you understand—I thought to myself that you must be a completely different person by now. I wondered if you were ever reminded of me. I didn’t know how to approach this because I was unsure if we’d be far apart now. Part of me worries what you would think if you saw me today. I’m almost certainly not what you picture in your mind. I’m still simplistic at heart. Disgustingly sentimental at times. Some days I just don’t feel like doing anything, which I’m sure is surprising to you. I’m not sure if I can take on the world, but I guess I’ve made a start. 

There’s been so much happening recently. If you were with me right now, you would think I’m crazy. But you would love it too. There have been times when I thought I couldn’t be happier, and times where I cried more than I believed was physically possible. I moved cities and I’m living on my own, just like you always heard me talk about. I’ve grown to want better for myself, and I’m not as shy anymore. Well… maybe if it’s been a long day. 

Speaking of which, time seems so much more scarce now. I try to find quiet moments where I can slow down. It makes me realize that the time we spent together is so precious. I wish I could experience it again. Then again, it’s just wistful thinking. Everyone says that we haven’t even seen how good life gets. And that we won’t believe how much we’ll have changed once we’re older. We’re just starting out. You were never apprehensive when it came to things like this. I’m not like you, but I wish I was. Sometimes, I feel small. I doubt if I’m ready. I often wonder: Did I miss some turning point? Did I miss some crucial moment? Did I not try hard enough to improve? You probably know what I’m talking about. 

And over time, I realized that I’m not quite as unique as I thought. I sometimes fear that I’m already getting dull. I think there’s a sort of numbness we all become accustomed to eventually; it’s difficult to be sincerely happy. It’s not easy to be carefree when you remember there’s three midterms and a paper due in the same week… But you’ll be glad to hear that I still desire to open my heart to people. I always will. Being yourself just takes a bit of getting used to now. 

I know it’s been a long time since we spoke. I have a feeling you might be holding back a little. I hope you’re being kind to yourself. Eat well! Don’t skip any meals, you’ll feel much more tired than usual (not that I’m speaking from experience…). I hope you’re not staying up too late these days. I can say that having a random burst of motivation at 2am is the most productive time you’ll ever spend getting things done. It is also a sign that you seriously need to get some rest because you’ll probably be delirious from the lack of sleep. And most of all, I know there are probably times when you’ll be overwhelmed. Times where everything seems to be too much to handle. Times where you’ll wonder if you can make it. Just do it little by little. Believe that you can get there. 

I hope you’ll find the time to respond. I would be so happy to hear from you. Actually, I just hope that you’ve received this letter. Hopefully you smiled, even if only a little. Paper delivery may take a little longer, but I really think it has its own charm. Maybe because it’s the only thing I’ll patiently wait for. Please write to me soon! If you feel lonely, tell me what’s on your mind. I miss you, and you know very well how much I do. I’ll always be in your corner.

Note to the reader: This piece came about from a sudden urge to create. It’s not often that I’m able to channel this ~creative energy~ and let it out onto paper, but I really felt the need to write this down. I’m supposed to be doing another assignment (whoops), but I had to write this first. With the school year soon coming to a close and summer coming up, it feels a little bittersweet. It’s a sort of jumbled mix of relief, nostalgia, and the thought of saying farewell (not to be too mushy…but you get what I mean). It made me think of the many years that have passed already, and how different life is now compared to how it was before. I think of the people that I’ve lost touch with or that have moved onto a different path. I especially think of the person that I used to be. But I’ve always been someone who hates saying goodbye. So, I wanted to incorporate the hope of meeting again. I hope that by reading this, you are reminded of that. Think of an old friend, someone that you lost, someone you used to love, or even the younger version of yourself. By reading this letter, I hope you can revisit those memories.