Little Portugal in the fall is quiet and golden-haired; true to its name, Calmo bakery-café fits right in as the newest addition to the neighbourhood. Located just west of Ossington on Dundas St., Calmo welcomes customers through its cheery periwinkle doors—watch your step!—into a homely dining room with plenty of natural light. Their menu includes coffee, matcha, and a small selection of baked goods: trendy items like Basque cheesecakes and tiramisu, as well as unique flavours of brownie, scone, and pie. I visited one Sunday afternoon determined to see whether the quality of their food and drinks matched the Instagrammable ambiance.

Inside, I observed a clientele of freelancers and friends, and wondered how either group could sit for long on the tiny triangle stools whose protruding poles form an amusing intimation of a backrest. I placed my order while eyeing the sad, dry-looking desserts in the display case, but was informed the bakery had sold out of brownies. So, I pivoted to pie; two slices—one rosemary raspberry, and one key lime pie—ran me a hefty $25. 

Both desserts sported beautiful piping, delicate garnishes, and a curlicued crust. However, the difference in quality was stark. The key-lime pie was an elegant take on a classic, featuring a bright, tangy mousse balanced with a gentle whipped cream on top. The crust, moistened and subtly sweet from a syrup, perfectly grounded the dessert and complemented the soft textures of the filling.

The same cannot be said about the raspberry pie. This slice’s crust was almost too hard to cut or eat; in the mousse, I was left wanting for raspberry flavour or acidity. As for the drinks, their flavours were just as elusive: my friend tried their orange blossom Americano with honey sea salt whip, but could hardly taste the orange blossom. Although the beans and roast were good, a plain Americano would have sufficed.

The food and drink leave much to be desired, especially at such a high price point. Lying some forty-minutes’ walk from campus, Calmo is not convenient as a study location either, unless you happen to live in the area or are willing to risk the delays and detours of Toronto streetcars. I would only recommend the bakery as a destination for die-hard key-lime fans; common bakery patrons can find cheaper, closer options—I’m reminded of the tarts at Cherié, across from the Student Union. The lesson is: don’t believe everything you see on Instagram is good.