I’m just going to say it: I think gift-giving sucks. Not for some moral reason about how consumerism contributes to the capitalism and climate crisis that will eventually kill us all. I just hate planning ahead for things, I hate running errands, and I truly, deeply hate spending money. No one will ever call these gifts the favourite thing they got all holiday, but they’ll get the job done.

Help! I have to come up with last minute gifts…

…but I only have an afternoon!

After class, go to the Eaton Centre. Another mall will substitute, but the Eaton Centre is very close to a BMV Books location. There, you can buy books your friends will like for cheaper than you could get them at Indigo or Amazon. After, look in the bargain bin for the trashiest-looking romance novels and DVDs of bad movies starring actors your friends think are hot. When you can’t give a good present, give a purposefully bad one that’ll make them laugh.

• At Hudson’s Bay, get HBC Stripe mittens for about $8. By January everyone has left a glove on the subway.
• Go to the kitchen section and grab essentials you know your friends are too stubborn to get for themselves. When in doubt, you can never have too many spatulas or tongs.
• H&M has whole walls of cheap jewelry and hair accessories. If you have some extra time, I highly recommend the store Butterfly in Kensington Market, which sells rings and earrings for $5.
• The Body Shop sells little scent-themed gift sets. At $15 they’re a little more expensive, but they seem way classier than they are. 
• Get gift cards from ice cream stores, bubble tea stores, movie theatres, or coffee shops, where a little money can fund a whole treat. 

…but I can only visit a drug store/supermarket on the way!

Yikes, buddy. In this case, you have to get a two-part present – pick two things that complement each other from this list. It’s still going to look kind of shit. I recommend wrapping it in newspaper, which is free and better for the environment than wrapping paper but still makes a gift look effortful. There are dozens of unclaimed copies of the Herald at every major library – try to leave the articles intact so we get new readers.

• You can rarely go wrong with food, but you need to get something you know the person likes so that the thoughtfulness outweighs the cheapness. 
• The exception is good quality food people can’t normally justify splurging on themselves, like a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
• Drug stores sell small versions of essential toiletries like deodorant. Everyone knows things are better when they’re small. 
• Drug store nail polish and eyeshadow are not high-quality, but if you pick cool colours they don’t need to be.
• Controversial opinion but I’m honestly a big fan of gifting magazines. Give your friend pictures of beautiful people, or recipes they’ll want to try but never get around to, or the stupidest celebrity gossip you’ve ever heard in your life.

…but I can only visit a dollar store on the way!

A good Dollarama gift is about quantity, not quality. You need about $15 worth of various crap, either specific to your friend’s interests or directly opposed to them so that it’s funny. Pick up:

• 2 types of candy
• 1 notebook or colouring book
• Metallic Sharpies (everyone loves metallic Sharpies)
• A low-quality action figure or a plastic flower
• Scrunchies/claw clips/hair ties or a lighter
• Craft supplies (beads, acrylic paint, balsa wood airplanes – don’t get yarn) or fidget toys (putty, finger skateboards)
• A card and gift bag meant for a 1-year-old or a grandparent in which you write something heartfelt to make up for the shit gift.

…but I refuse to leave my house!

If you have a talent, this can actually work out pretty well. Provided you have a good grasp on your friend’s interests, writing or drawing something for them can end up as a fantastic present. Just don’t record a song for them; no one wants to stand there awkwardly smiling while a friend performs. 

• Make friendship bracelets – the muscle memory will come back to you once you look it up, and they’ve circled back from cringe to adorable again.
• Bake something. If you’re good at baking, this should be your go-to present. If you aren’t, use boxed cake mix for cupcakes, make your own icing so it isn’t painfully sweet, and apply liberal amounts of sprinkles. 
• If you are experienced at sailing the high seas of the internet, there is literally no gift easier for you and better for your friends who can’t pirate than a USB loaded with their favourite TV show. 
• If worst comes to worst, make them one of those old collages of anime characters and celebrities people used to put at the front of their binders and notebooks. It’s a truly shit gift but it shows a certain amount of effort people appreciate.