Arts and Culture, Personal Essays, Playlist

here, there, everywhere

by Mayumi Ramos

Tracklist

  1. Right Side of My Neck – Faye Webster
  2. Better Distractions – Faye Webster
  3. Steeeam – Shelly
  4. Lonely Afternoon – Shakatak
  5. So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings – Caroline Polachek
  6. Shut Up Kiss Me – Angel Olsen
  7. Still into You – Paramore
  8. Key to Love (Is Understanding) – BADBADNOTGOOD
  9. Archie, Marry Me – Alvvays
  10. Anyone Else But You – The Moldy Peaches
  11. Still Together – Mac DeMarco
  12. Here, There And Everywhere – The Beatles

My boyfriend and I have been dating since we were 15 years old (we’re 19 now!). We’re from the same city, but we go to different universities, and transitioning into a long-distance relationship once autumn starts is hard, especially after seeing each other so often during the summer. There’s an uncertainty, a lingering feeling of, “will this be as hard as it was last year?” all topped off with the knowledge that we won’t be in the same city together for a while (screw you, University of Waterloo co-op terms).

However, contrary to popular belief, maintaining a long-distance relationship as a university student is neither futile nor impossible. This relationship continues to be one of the healthiest and most fulfilling things in my life, and in some ways, the distance actually contributes to that. It prevents us from unhealthily making our relationship the centre of our lives since it gives us the space to work on other aspects, such as our friendships, academics, and extracurriculars.

On a more personal level, I find myself reveling in the feeling of independence and autonomy. My boyfriend undoubtedly adds to my life, but I also recognize that I’m happy and fulfilled even when we aren’t together. I know myself well enough to know that if we went to the same university, I’d want to be around him all the time. But with the distance, it’s much easier to strike a balance, and it’s nice knowing that I’m dedicated without being codependent.

Yes, it takes a lot of trust, commitment, and communication — I won’t pretend that it’s easy to balance it all or to prevent myself from spiraling when I see a cute couple holding hands on campus (ugh, that should be me). But on the other hand, we’ll never question if the other person is just in it out of convenience and comfort, and it makes the times we do see each other even more special. When I find myself missing him, I remind myself that it’s worth the wait. 

Although I’m living my life here, and he’s doing his own thing there, we find things that remind us of each other everywhere around us. We make time to share what’s been going on in our lives; we celebrate each others’ wins and comfort each other from afar. There’s nothing sweeter than having an amazing day and knowing there’s someone on the other end who’s excited to hear all about it. Distance doesn’t just make the heart grow fonder — it also makes us both stronger, both as individuals and as partners. We’ve built a relationship full of pure, genuine connection and intimacy after years of being together — and I’m confident there’ll be many more.

Ramblings aside, this playlist captures what it’s like to be in a long-distance relationship. It opens with two Faye Webster songs that perfectly encapsulate the feeling of sitting in my room alone after a weekend together, already reminiscing about the time we spent and wondering when the next visit will be. Then, Shelly’s song has a short but sweet line that acts as a sort of mission statement, a declaration of intention in a relationship that’s based on a consistent choice to commit: “I’m gonna love you, I mean it.” 

The three-song run of “Steeam,” “Lonely Afternoon,” and “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings” has feelings of yearning running through it, but never sadness. Just the opposite, actually: it’s full of warmth and the sweet kind of melancholy. Some of my favourite lyrics in the playlist are from the Caroline Polachek track:

Not like I’m counting the days

But it’s been twenty-five

You’re out there killin’ the game

But damn, I miss you tonight

The second iteration of those lyrics say “You know I live for the hustle / But damn, I miss you tonight”. I love the balance of nonchalance and longing, of being happy for the other person while also wishing you were with them. I’ve learned that those feelings are not mutually exclusive, and you can, in fact, live independently and miss them at the same time.

The theme of the next three songs is conflict and communication (the former is unavoidable, and the latter is crucial!). I especially like the parallels between Angel Olsen’s “Shut Up Kiss Me” and Paramore’s “Still into You,” with BADBADNOTGOOD’s “Key to Love (Is Understanding)” tying it all up nicely.

Shut Up Kiss Me:

I ain’t hanging up this time

I ain’t giving up tonight

Even if you walk around

As though you think you’re right

At your worst

I still believe it’s worth the fight

Still into You:

It’s not a walk in the park

To love each other

But when our fingers interlock

Can’t deny you’re worth it

Even on our worst nights

I’m into you

Finally, the last four songs — which give me a distinct fall vibe — basically sum up all my warm, gushy, sentimental feelings — I absolutely adore the lyric, “You’re a part-time lover and a full-time friend.” If you’re in a long-distance relationship like I am and you find yourself especially missing your beloved on a beautiful, brisk autumn day, cherish that feeling by throwing this playlist on and taking a walk through Queen’s Park. Maybe try to ignore all the happy couples there, though.