Creative

Satire: Movies reviewed solely by their trailers

Trolls World Tour (dir. Walt Dohrn)

Release Date: April 10th, 2020

Two words: All powerful. A strong political allegory for our current events—it’s difficult to explain how well this movie captures the pain and sorrow that we as a society are facing right now. This movie will sweep Best Picture at the Oscars without a doubt. Walt Dohrn has outdone himself.

A Quiet Place II (dir. John Krasinski)

Release Date: September 4th, 2020

A Quiet Place II picks up on the story of the family introduced in A Quiet Place I. Krasinski always seems to have bad luck with leaks for these movies: the trailer that was released for this movie was left incomplete, starting off with a clearly loud and audible Emily Blunt. The first movie was also leaked prematurely into theatres, featuring many points and large portions of the movie that had loud sounds. Hopefully, Krasinski will finally be able to achieve his final vision of a quiet place and win that Best Sound Mixing Oscar he so rightly deserves.

Mulan (dir. Niki Caro)

Release Date: July 24th, 2020

Mulan is the story of Joan of Arc, adapted for Eastern cultures, utilizing Eastern methods of storytelling with Eastern elements. The story, originally a rustic and sacred story, has been transformed to be fun and more appealing to those who may enjoy “oriental” themes. If you know the story of Joan of Arc and enjoyed its exclusive French themes, then you may find this adaptation to be a fun jaunt. This movie is a strong contender for Best Foreign Film.

Promising Young Woman (dir. Emerald Fennell)

Release Date: April 16th, 2020

(Author’s Note: As a woman, I felt inexperienced reviewing this movie so I asked the guy who always talks in my philosophy tutorial for his opinion.)

“I just don’t understand why this movie is necessary,” Harry tells me. “Violence against men in media? It just feels like we are moving backwards.” Harry is a fourth-year in Trinity, enjoys watching Game of Thrones and his favourite movies are Deadpool 2 and The Dark Knight. He also doesn’t think this movie will win any Oscars due to its blatant misunderstanding of representation, “it’s no Green Book.”

The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas, Evening Sun (dir. Wes Anderson)

Release Date: October 16th, 2020

L’histoire complètement invraisemblable de la façon dont Timothée Chalamet pourrait jamais être confondu avec quelqu’un d’autre que Timothée Chalamet. Ses talents d’acteur brillent ici parce que pendant pour une minute, je pensais que c’était seulement un autre film excentrique de Wes Anderson et, regardez! C’est notre ami Tim! Et oh mon Dieu! Est-ce Tilda Swinton? Je ne l’ai même pas reconnue elle. Et Benicio Del Toro? Il est toujours ici? Hé, où est Bill Murray dans tout ça? Je ne sais pas au sujet du film mais, Hourra le cinéma! Hourra Wes Anderson!

Candyman (dir. Nia DaCosta)

Release Date: September 25th, 2020

Your favourite niche celebrity will tweet about how Jordan Peele has done it again, everyone will call it the “new Jordan Peele movie.” Truly a movie that sticks with you even as you leave the theatre, hearing all the white people around say, “maybe Candyman was overreacting.” AHH! Candyman will win something like Best Costumes or Best Sound Mixing, and all of the actors will be nominated too, because that’s what happened with Lupita Nyong’o in Us.

No Time To Die (dir. Cary Joji Fukunaga)

Release Date: November 25th, 2020

I’ve been waiting for another Bond sequel for a long time: they’re such a rare and unique gem, and they always bring something new to Oscar season. This trailer seems to reveal a new, heartfelt shift in the James Bond movies, reminding me of the fragility of human life. I called my mom immediately afterwards and told her the eponymous words: there is no time to die, I proclaimed. She agreed with me, shortly before her hospital nurse took her phone away for her next treatment. Billie Eilish will not win an Oscar for Best Original Song; it would be ludicrous if two James Bond movies won Best Original Song. The Oscars should be a fair game for everybody, not just the young and urban!