1. I walked by a couple today. On the way back from dinner.
2. Oh? 

1. They held each other’s hands and had a small rat-looking dog walking beside them. The three of them combined took up most of the sidewalk. Most — but not all.
2. What are you getting at Dear? It’s late. I’m too tired for stupid games.

1. They walked toward me and I needed to get by them. There was room. Perhaps just barely enough that I could have passed by without brushing their shoulders. So as we all walked towards each other I thought to myself. Walk straight, just walk straight. You’ll get by if you go straight.
2. You’re awfully dramatic today, aren’t you.

1. See, I thought I’d do it, but as they got close to me — like right up to me, so close — my eyes darted to their clasped hands and I panicked. They were suddenly too much, it was all too much. Them being happy and close and together and perfect with their little rat dog and their hands! They were holding hands and it scared me so much that I would be too close to this… I don’t know, this image of perfection and happiness. That they would turn around and hate me if I got too close and I couldn’t— I took two steps to the side and passed them on the grass just off the sidewalk. Except… it wasn’t grass. I looked down and it was mud. It wasn’t even super deep or dirty mud, but… I felt like a fool. Like a dirty, insignificant, rodent. Hell, I was more of a rat than that stupid dog! That little bony creature owned its own space on the sidewalk, and I was standing in the mud… because I was weak.
2. …Do your shoes need to be cleaned?

1. No. Do you not understand?
2. Quite frankly, you’re scaring me. And no. I don’t understand a thing. As always.

1. Answer me this. If I was that scared of happy people. What does that make me?
2. I think you’re reading too much into this.

1. Stop thinking I’m crazy. I’m not! But think! I can’t even remember the last time my hand was held.
2. Is… is this about me?

1. No. It’s me. It’s always me. I’m scared of being happy don’t you see?
2. This is about me. Okay, so I don’t make you happy? I don’t hold your hand and walk down the streets with a dog, huh? So what? What are you getting—

1. I think I’m incapable of… shit.
2. What? Say it, damn it. What?

1. I don’t know! I don’t know I—
2. Just say it! Speak up!

1. It’s— I can’t! It’s too horrible. I’m such a horrid person I can’t—
2. Shut up. You’re making such a big deal out of such a stupid thing and now you won’t even finish your thought. You know how much of an attention seeker you’re being?

1. Love.
2. What?

1. No. I think I’m incapable of love!
2. … I think you should go to bed, you’re talking bullshit again.

1. God… but if I can’t love then…
2. You’ve been married for 3 years. What’s this shit you’re spewing now? You’re with me and that’s that. Love? That’s for lonely single people. What, you, lonely? You wanna go find some other man who’s gonna make you feel better? Like hell you are. Shut up and lie down.

1. Right. Yeah. I’ll just go brush my teeth and stuff. Be back.
2. Don’t be noisy. I’m sleeping now.

1. Okay. Goodnight.

The End