In today’s media, a growing queer presence can be seen across all platforms. From films and television, to books, and even youtube channels and TikTok pages, the diversity and presence of queer couples has grown a significant amount in the past decade. On social media, many are calling this decade the “Lesbian Renaissance,” mainly stemming from the growing popularity of female queer artists and celebrities, such as Chappell Roan, Julien Baker, MUNA, The Beaches, and Cynthia Erivo. With this growing sapphic presence in the media, I wanted to go over a few of the misconceptions and stereotypes associated with lesbians and sapphic relationships.  

Please note: this is opinion-based, and is based on my own experiences as well as the experiences of friends and acquaintances around me. 

Masc and Fem

One of the most common misconceptions about sapphic relationships is that they must consist of one masculine-presenting individual and one feminine-presenting individual. There are many sapphic relationships where this does occur, but there are also many relationships where this does not. There are also many individuals in relationships who do not present as either feminine or masculine but are more fluid in their style and presentation. Moral of the story: always express yourself based on your own comfort and preferences, you do not have to present differently just because you are in a relationship with someone.  

Intimacy

There is no issue with not being intimate in a sapphic relationship, or taking your time with intimacy. Like any relationship, intimacy is not required and is not for everyone. A common stereotype of sapphic relationships is that intimacy occurs very quickly. However, with proper communication of each individual’s wishes, you can decide when and how you would like to be intimate with each other, if this is something that you both want. No one in a relationship should ever feel they have to be intimate with their partner for it to be considered a serious relationship. 

U-haul Couples

Another huge misconception about sapphic relationships is that sapphic couples move in together incredibly quickly, thus the name “U-haul couples.” I know a lot of sapphic couples who have been dating for quite some time and still do not live together, and in my own experience, I have not moved in with a partner. I feel that this is a stereotype associated with older sapphic couples, so maybe this is more prevalent in the older generation. You should never feel pressured to move in with someone who you are in a relationship with if you are not comfortable with it. Like intimacy, choosing when to live with someone takes a lot of communication and trust. 

The Septum Piercing

You do not need to have a septum piercing to be a lesbian. Though many lesbians and queer individuals do have septum piercings, it is not a requirement. On the contrary, not everyone with a septum piercing is queer. A piercing, like all jewelry, is a form of self-expression. If you are currently debating getting a septum piercing, think to yourself, “Will this piercing make me feel more confident, and make me happy?” and consider if you would be getting the piercing to make yourself happy or to make others happy.

With all this in mind, I wanted to point out some examples of great sapphic couples in film and television. As a lesbian myself, I found these couples to be very realistic and relatable in comparison to my and others’ experiences in the sapphic dating world. 

Heartstopper — Tara and Darcy

The entirety of Heartstopper is a great representation of young love in the queer world and being in your first sapphic relationship. Both Tara and Darcy are figuring out themselves together and go through their own personal struggles while trying to maintain a healthy relationship. Darcy struggles with their relationship with their mom, as well as their gender identity, which is very relatable to many queer youth today, especially in the current political climate. They only feel confident around their other queer friends, and away from their mother because they do not think that their mother will accept them for who they truly are. Tara struggles with the responsibility of being a “model student,” and also struggles to come out as a lesbian to her peers. 

The Haunting of Bly Manor — Dani and Jamie

The relationship between Dani and Jamie was very important to the plot of the series, but came up very naturally in the show. Dani struggles with PTSD from the death of her fiancé, as well as trying to understand her sexuality. She blames herself for the death of her past fiancé, as she confessed to him just moments before his death that she did not have feelings for him. Jamie is the gardener at Bly Manor and first comes off as quite mysterious, the audience not knowing much about her past and not seeing very much of her in the first few episodes of the series. As the series goes on, we see the tension build between the two characters, and they eventually fall in love and plan their future together. I feel that they are a more accurate portrayal of a sapphic couple because they are both quite confused at first, needing some time to get to know each other before figuring out their feelings together. I feel that is a very realistic approach to starting a relationship with someone, especially a sapphic relationship as sometimes it is hard to tell whether or not you feel a connection platonically or romantically when dating someone of the same gender.  

Adventure Time — Marceline and Princess Bubblegum

Yes, this is a cartoon. However, I feel that Marceline and Princess Bubblegum have a very realistic sapphic relationship. First, both Marceline and Princess Bubblegum are very fluid with their gender expression, so neither of them is more feminine nor more masculine. Additionally, I also found it very realistic how the two of them needed to break up so they could both face their own personal struggles and rediscover themselves and their own interests. That made their relationship so much stronger when they got back together with both of them becoming more confident individuals who can put more effort into their relationship.