I find myself back here again. Frankly, I can’t seem to keep myself away from what has become my home away from home.

I look up at Robarts and remember in first year when I went to every single floor that I could, just to see what was there. I hated the building at first. Its lack of personality felt as oppressive and sharp as the weird corners of the building. Nowadays I always sit in the study room on the fourth floor between classes.

I remember very clearly how scared I was at first. My home is so far away. I’ve lived with my parents all my life, and now I was just expected to be okay with only seeing my dad and sisters in the few weeks between semesters? But I’ve grown. I still love and miss my family, but I’m getting used to doing things on my own… and I figured out how to put my dad on speed dial. 

Sid Smith is next, with “Mama’s Best Bulgarian Hotdogs” out in the plaza. I fucking love those hotdogs. I love the fact that Sid Smith is full of asbestos significantly less though. It worried me when I first saw the little yellow triangles in the corners of every room, and it still bothers me. I also still get lost trying to find my way around the basement. I did however learn that if you have a class in SS500, that’s NOT the fifth floor. I learned that lesson the hard way when I couldn’t find the elevator.

 Music blares in my headphones, attempting to drown out the discordant cacophony of the city. It almost works. The music makes the omnipresent noise a little more bearable. Or maybe it’s the noise cancelling nature of my specific headphones. Either way, music makes the commutes so much more bearable. After dark, when there are less people walking around, the music gets turned off, but the headphones stay on. This way I can hear if I am being followed, while also pretending I didn’t hear that random person bark at me. These are the kind of things you learn living in the big city. Don’t say hi to strangers, don’t take the TTC at night, listen for creeps, don’t interact with said creeps, keep a friend (or father) on speed dial. 

University College is the prettiest building on campus in my opinion, it makes me feel like I’m at Hogwarts (the Hogwarts BEFORE Rowling came out as a horrible person). Front campus has grass now too! When I arrived in Toronto, front campus was just a hole, and when I came back in second year it was just a hole. Even when the grass was caged in, I looked at it and respected it. Sometimes I would reach my fingers through the fence and stroke the grass like it’s an exotic wild animal, ready to bite or flee at any given moment. I can’t wait to run into the middle of the grass and let my body fall limp onto my back, looking up at the sky and pretending I’m just in a field, looking at MY castle. I’m the prettiest princess and this is my domain to rule. You want me to do an exam? Preposterous. Off with your head. Looking north from front campus shows University College in all its old, ivy-adorned beauty. Looking south shows Convocation Hall. Where every last one of us who finishes what we started will graduate one day. That day is a year and a half away from me. I’m not ready. I’m still just a little girl.

Just a little girl from a town of ten thousand people now living in Toronto. Three million people in the city. Almost six and a half million in the GTA. Whoa. That’s three hundred of my home towns. But with more diversity and fewer rednecks. When I’m home, I try to spend as much time outside as possible, in the woods, in the hills, by the river, in the river. I see deer, and porcupines, and skunks. In Toronto, buildings reach up above your head. Back home it was trees, trees stretching up and covering you like a blanket. Or an umbrella.

I want to like Queen’s Park. I really do. You often see dogs and squirrels and trees. On those days, I love the park. You also often see convoyists. On those days I hate the park. I suppose it’s not the park’s fault, but now if I want nature, I sit on the trail leading up to Brennan Hall. Or, if religion is too much for me at the moment (which it often is), I’ll go lay down under one of the trees in the Vic quad and close my eyes.