Creative

Satire: UC to be covered with a large tarp on Election Day

Elections Canada has announced plans to cover University College with a large tarp ahead of Election Day on October 21st, citing past issues with voters mistakenly entering University College to vote. Voters should be voting at Hart House, an official polling station of the University-Rosedale riding. Officials were initially tipped off about this 8 years ago, during the 2011 federal election. Voters claimed to have received calls falsely notifying them that their polling station had changed from Hart House to University College.

In the 2015 federal election, officials noted a substantial number of voters mistakenly entering University College to vote. “We don’t understand why this keeps happening. We post signs pointing to Hart House every year. Surely people can read then, right?” said Jessica Lee, a representative from Elections Canada. 

In addition to concealing University College, Elections Canada had considered building a temporary brick wall around the building. “It was the most economically viable option at the time, but after running a computer simulation, we decided it wasn’t the best choice.” said Lee. Sources close to Elections Canada state that computer-simulated voters simply climbed over the wall to reach University College.

After this election, Elections Canada will also be offering an introductory course titled, “Building Identification 101: University College or Hart House” for students and voters. Other proposals included building a glass dome around University College, constructing a maze that always leads to Hart House, and replacing University College with a less welcoming building, such as Robarts Library.

“It’s not our fault the two buildings look so similar! I’m glad they’re finally doing something about it though. I got lost every year I walked into University College.” said Gaile Henderson, a long-time voter living in the University-Rosedale riding. Students are also relieved to hear the news. “There are already so many lost voters roaming the halls from 16 years ago, I’m glad we won’t be seeing more!” exclaimed Timone Smith, a 3rd year student from University College.
To test the claim that Hart House and University College look similar, The Innis Herald presented ten individuals with two pictures and asked them to identify which one was Hart House. All participants chose the same picture. Both pictures were of University College.