I never thought I would have COVID-19.  

Despite the over 100 million COVID-19 cases worldwide, none of those people have passed through my orbit. I didn’t know a single person with COVID-19. That’s not exactly true — after all, I watched the news, and political figures like Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, and more have tested positive for COVID-19. But within my small, quiet neighbourhood of Scarborough, Ontario, I didn’t know anyone who had COVID-19.  

You might be wondering how I got COVID-19. It’s a reasonable question but not one that I think is incredibly useful. It leads to assigning blame and feelings of anger, guilt, and shame. Yet the virus isn’t the fault of any particular person. It’s more useful for people to confront the pandemic together. I say this in an attempt to comfort myself. When I was feeling ill with COVID-related symptoms, I often questioned why and how I got COVID-19. I stayed home and followed public health directives. Why did I get COVID, when I knew friends who were breaking public health guidelines? I also felt frustrated with the timing of my symptoms. With the somewhat recent surge in cases in Ontario, I was extra vigilant about my safety. Having escaped the virus for almost a year, why did I get it now, when I’m being extra cautious?  

I’ll take some time here to describe my symptoms. My symptoms started on January 19, 2021. I felt muscle and joint pain in my legs. It felt like I had done thousands of squats when I had barely been active that day. That night, I struggled to sleep, experiencing sore throat, chills, difficulty swallowing, dry cough, and fever. At this point, I suspected that I had COVID-19. I wore a mask and limited my movement inside my house. Tylenol helped with the fever, but by the night of January 20, I was in so much discomfort that I left the online Innis College Student Society (ICSS) budget meeting halfway through and went to bed.  

The emotions attached to my COVID-19 symptoms felt much like the highs and lows of a rollercoaster. At the lows, I worried that I’d die from COVID-19. I imagined getting hospitalized, intubated, and put into the ICU, surrounded by doctors and allied healthcare professionals. I pictured their horror as they saw me: a young patient before the age of 20, in such critical condition. I was frightened and concerned about my life being cut short before accomplishing my dreams. At the highs, I questioned what meaning there was for me to stay alive in a constant state of suffering. I wondered why I should go on in my life if I continued to feel so horrible. I couldn’t see the end.  

Compounding all this, I faced the reality that everyone in my household had COVID-19. That’s six people, including me. I managed not only my symptoms but checked in with everyone else as well. I worried not only for myself but for everyone else too. Living in a multi-generational home, I had to try to protect my elders while encountering the challenges presented by limited space. The language barrier between me and my elders meant it was difficult to know how they were feeling.  

I gave My Student Support Program (1-844-451-9700) a call to talk about how I was feeling. I gave Telehealth Ontario (1-866-797-0000) a call to discuss managing symptoms and was nudged to take a COVID-19 test. I got tested on January 21 and received a positive result on January 22. The positive test result was expected and in a weird way, I was hoping that I would have a positive result. I was so confident that I had COVID-19 since all my symptoms suggested COVID was the cause. I was even a little worried about what my diagnosis would be if I tested negative for COVID.  

In two days, I got a follow-up call with someone from Toronto Public Health. I would be cleared to end self-isolation on January 29, 10 days after my first symptom. I felt much better after testing positive for COVID. A lot of things fell in place, and I received a lot of support from healthcare providers, friends, and more. I also arranged to stay at the Toronto Voluntary Self Isolation Centre, a converted hotel for COVID-positive patients who can’t self-isolate safely at home. At the hotel, which is near Pearson International Airport, I had never felt more like a leech, but it had been a wonderful experience. Toronto public health arranged for my transport to the hotel and catered three vegetarian meals a day. At home, I felt like I was in a hospital with all the coughing going on around me. Being away from home made me feel like I’m on vacation: I could avoid my family members, and focus on healing myself.  

Through this entire whirlwind of COVID-19, academics have been one of the most challenging things. I mentioned how the timing of getting COVID was frustrating. That’s because I wanted this semester to go better than all of my other semesters at U of T. Once it became clear that I could not do that, I started worrying about missing classes and assessments. I did the easy thing which was declaring absences on ACORN. I also had to do the hard thing which was telling professors that I was experiencing “COVID-19 related symptoms” and that I was requesting “academic accommodations for any upcoming assessments.” This was such a stressful experience, as I tried to strike a balance between the ideal situation of not doing any work for ten or so days and doing some work to not fall too behind.  

Fast forward to today and I’m feeling much better and set to be released. My symptoms have evolved and while some, like fever, are no longer in my life, others, like cough, continue to be very active. I am also very displeased to report that I have lost my sense of smell and taste.  

I’m sharing my story to provide some insight into what life is like with COVID-19. Perhaps this story will help you nail your diagnosis if you think you might have COVID. Perhaps this story will show you how to navigate school and life with COVID. I also hope to break down the stigma around COVID-19, especially as a young person with COVID and as a Chinese Canadian with COVID — a group that has faced and continues to face a lot of racism during the pandemic.