Satire: Pickle Barrel stock drops as Innis swears off catering
For the first time in nearly ten years, IN2U, a leadership conference organized by the Office of Student Life (OSL) at Innis College, did not serve Pickle Barrel (TSE:PCKB) for lunch. Stockholders and investors attending the conference were noticeably shaken by the surprise, and Pickle Barrel stock dropped more than 7 points over the weekend.
“We just don’t get it,” said panicked stockholder Bick Parr, “Sure, the food doesn’t taste great, but these are students. Do they really care what it tastes like if they don’t have to pay for it? More importantly, do we really care?” It seems as though somebody cared, as this year’s conference was catered by Pumpernickel’s.
Other investors are less surprised by the catering choice, suggesting the retirement of the past Innis College Dean of Students, Tim Worgan, as the cause of this change. “We planted Tim in the OSL ages ago to make sure we could keep selling food. People don’t seem to realize that selling bland sandwiches is more difficult than it sounds,” said investor Purd Bird. Tim Worgan was the Dean of Students for ten years, starting as Acting Dean in 2009. “I remember the days when we would sell dozens upon dozens of sandwich platters, not because students wanted them, but because we asked Tim to buy them,” Bird reminiscently spoke.
Despite the change to catering, some students were still unimpressed. “This food is literally the same as it always is. It’s uninspired and bland, and I’m a little insulted that they think we would eat this,” said third-year student Paxton Wong, as he stuffed plastic containers with sandwiches. “What? This? Well I still need food for dinner,” he explained.
Confidence in Pickle Barrel regained itself as investors realized that Pumpernickel’s is a subdivision of Pickle Barrel that serves exactly the same food. By the end of the week, Pickle Barrel stock had shot up 14 points.