December 22, 2023, was the day I, a 5th-year U of T student, finally submitted my final undergrad assignment. It was a moment of ecstasy. After five long years of commuting two gruelling hours daily, surviving the pandemic, writing over 200 academic essays, writing for two newspapers, launching a podcast, splitting my time between five committees, and running a disability advocacy club – I was officially finished. 

Everyone asks me, “How does it feel?” 

Truthfully? It’s weird. 

On the one hand, I’m proud, even relieved. But on the other, I’m unsettled. I have been trapped in nostalgia and anxiety about the future. I may have climbed to the other side of the mountain in victory, but in a way, I have returned full circle to a new, uncertain beginning. It’s like I’m back in my first year, and I have no idea what lies on the horizon. 

This “weird” feeling worsens when I realize I have completed my bachelor’s degree halfway through the academic year. At the beginning of the winter semester, St. George campus is busy once again, with students scrambling to find their classes. Sidney Smith is on fire, the MedSci building is flooded, and U of T is crowned as the number one sustainable university in the world as they build a new sustainable building – out of wood??? 

Yet where am I? At home, in my PJs, scrolling through TikTok, waking up at noon. I crave to hang out with my friends who are still in uni, but they’re usually busy. 

Unlike other students who finish their degree in April and will most likely graduate in the summer, because I finished in December, I get to wait six months for my graduation in June. 

Yippee. 

So the question becomes, what does an expected graduate do with six months of nothing? 

Despite bleeding my fingers dry to the bone working on papers for four and a half years, I have decided to apply for graduate school for 2024-2025 and find a full-time job – instead of rewarding myself with a deserved break. 

Don’t get me wrong, I took full advantage of the Christmas break, watching TV shows, eating good food, and hanging out with friends. I even went skating – though I ended up getting a mild concussion. 

But, being a U of T student, the idea of doing nothing feels wrong. It’s like I  have been conditioned to be highly productive. 

So this semester, I’m still writing for newspapers, working on my committees, public speaking at conferences, preparing to go to grad school, working full time, and working on passion projects like finally writing that high fantasy novel that has been a dust-bunny in my brain since January 2018. 

I know you may be excited to escape U of T now after all the tears you have shed this past semester. But you’ll miss it terribly as you take the first step into the “real world,” wishing for simpler times.